The Definition of Grief

grief, noun 

An assortment of terrible feelings that last a long, long time, including: shock, disbelief, anger, rage, fear, sadness, sickness, and uncontrollable crying to the point of being buckled over in pain with no relief in sight. Having a feeling of emptiness that certainly life will never be the same again. Not being able to concentrate, having other areas of life suffer including massive miscommunications in relationships with spouses, siblings, friends, and coworkers. Life feels like it is falling apart

Sandra Champlain

Dream about Brendan: I'm in His World---White Bird Story

I suddenly find myself a few feet in front of Brendan. I realize I'm in "his" world. 

He sees me (looks like he is in his early 20s, not wearing his glasses). He says, "I'm so 

glad you finally came to visit me!" It's as though he thinks I can visit him but I haven't been doing it?

I seem to be standing on the first of two steps in something that looks like a Greek marbled open 

aired structure. In the dream he says, " look down there, see my house?" (I see a really cool gold 

house....not real big, a little bigger than a hut and square in shape. It's down a hill just a little bit) 

He says, "they gave me that. I don't even have to pay for it! That's where I'm getting my shit together.

" He seems excited that he doesn't have to pay rent for it? (that part makes me start laughing so hard). 

At some point in the dream he says, " look who's here" and I look down and it looks like the Boy

 (Jackson) and he looks quite the magical cat, but I can still see that it is Boy.
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Suddenly I'm up in the air behind Brendan, who is on the back of a giant white bird (not a dove, 

sort of like an eagle, but only a white color) and he's flying the bird as fast as he can and somehow 

I'm right behind him but I don't how I got there. And then I realize I'm on a giant white bird too! 

Normally, I would be terrified! But I don't feel afraid at all. We're going super fast and I'm just 

cracking up! I'm laughing hysterically, I can tell that Brendan is having such fun.. He's zooming back 

and forth as fast as he can on this bird and somehow, (I don't know how, the bird I'm on is keeping up 

with him?).

The other thing I couldn't understand is why Brendan is in really loose white clothing? I keep wondering

through the dream, "why the heck is Brendan in white of all things?." But then when we're flying on the

birds I look into the sky and there's all these colors like the Northern lights and it reflects perfectly on 

Brendan's white outfit.......Like his white clothing is some kind of white screen where the colors in the 

sky reflect off . So as he's on this giant bird, the colors flashing in the sky keep reflecting on his clothing, 

thus changing the white clothing different colors every second. Definitely psychedelic like our Brendan 

was!!!

Anyway, throughout the dream I'm crying and crying because I never thought I'd see Brendan again. 

And then laughing and laughing hysterically when I'm on the bird. I'm mostly laughing at how funny 

Brendan is. It's like he knows that he can fly on this thing really fast and he'll never get hurt. So he's 

being as risky as he can. He's so happy on that bird!!

I don't know what part of the dream this happens but at some point Brendan says, "I gotta show you my 

house". So I start to try to walk down the stairs to the grassy? slope toward the house and Brendan 

suddenly stops me and he says, "Oh I forgot, you can't come down here. But I'm making something for 

you. Something I should have given you a long time ago. When you come back I'll have it ready."

Throughout the dream I get the sense that he's been wondering why I haven't visited him before. 

(As if I could). He's so happy to see me in the dream and kisses me on the lips. He doesn't seem to 

even notice how I'm crying and crying. I wanted to keep being in that dream but as dreams are.....

I drifted off into something else and couldn't seem to wake myself up so that I could write it down 

before I forgot. As soon as my alarm clock went off I got out my computer and tried to type it up as 

fast as I could.

In the morning I ask Brendan, please show me a sign if this dream is really true?


The next morning
***A FB “friend” whom I’ve never never met and never return texts to sent me a clip of a 

white pigeon stealing some food in a store and another white pigeon standing at the door and 

then they flew off together.


***I was driving up the hill to the University and I kept saying, “Brendan, where are you, 

where are you, where are you? I heard Brendan’s voice say, “I’m right here.” and then this bird
flew right in front of my car, I narrowly missed hitting it.

***Painting of long dark hair young female. In a white garment. The Universe coming out of her
face/head. Holding a white bird.



What Birds Symbolize in Dreams: They are also a sign of peace, freedom, harmony, balance, ideas,
joy and love. Birds can symbolize freedom of thinking, our hopes and fears. They can also symbolize
some situations in our life. ... Sometimes a bird in a dream might be a message from your spirit guide.
Flying birds signify prosperity and abundance.

My email to Corinne:
"You remember my dream of Brendan wearing all white and it became a kind of screen to reflect
all the colors in the sky that we were flying by? I looked up the meaning of seeing the Northern
Lights in a dream....this is an excerpt of something I found online."

Others believed, on the contrary, that the northern lights would wink back if you waved a white
garment at them. The Sami people believed that the northern lights had supernatural power, and
they used symbols from the lights on their shaman drums.

I dream of Brendan's New Garden

Dream of Brendan: March 6

I had another dream of Brendan. I'm not sure why I am having more thorough and awesome dreams about him, but here it is:


Brendan wants to show me his garden out front of his little gold house.  I see that he has all this land that's sloping down very far and then there is a canyon with a river running through it, very far down the mountain. It's like something I've seen in Switzerland. He says, "look at my garden---I'm planting seeds. I'm planting tons of seeds.  They are giving me lots of seeds to plant."

I see a cat sitting on the railing in front of the house. Could this be the Boy?  Then I'm aware of a black and white cat sitting on the porch....like the cat in the painting that Brendan painted while in a Cabrillo Art Class.

Brendan is to the left of the house planting seeds.  He comes back over to me and gives me a plant.  It includes the dirt and roots and he places it proudly in my hands.

He is digging the ground with a shovel?  and then planting seeds. He says, "I've got the the whole hillside to plant  and it can go on forever. I'm making a lot of progress."

For some reason I know that Brendan has more animals in his little gold house.

I look towards the porch. An ostrich comes out on the porch and runs towards Brendan.  My impression was that an ostrich is one of his friendly pets? 

This morning I looked up what dreaming of an ostrich means..........

 Ostrich stands for freedom and independence.

The only images I could find that looks similar to Brendan handing me the plant are these. The bottom plant has the roots included, which I saw in the dream. However, The leaves looked more like the top photo.

On Grief by Michelle Obama

“It hurts to live after someone has died. It just does. It can hurt to walk down a hallway or open the fridge. It hurts to put on a pair of socks, to brush your teeth. Food tastes like nothing. Colors go flat. Music hurts, and so do memories. You look at something you’d otherwise find beautiful—a purple sky at sunset or a playground full of kids—and it only somehow deepens the loss. Grief is so lonely this way.”

Michelle Obama, Becoming

 Saw this on the back of a car. Outside my grief therapist's office. 

I Will Love You...........

Photos of the Northern Lights in Norway 

always remind me of Brendan.

Some believed that the northern lights would wink back if you waved a white garment at them. The Sami people believed that the northern lights had supernatural power, and they used symbols from the lights on their shaman drums.

History
The northern lights have fascinated and captivated people through the ages, and they are mentioned in texts written by Aristotle, among others. Chinese texts from 2000 BC also describe what may be the northern lights. The earliest explanations and descriptions fuelled the myths and mystery surrounding the northern lights, and it was not until the 17th century that the phenomenon was studied in a more systematic and scientific manner. A connection was gradually discovered between the northern lights and magnetic disruptions, and that the sun's activity influenced the phenomenon.

In 1886, Norwegian physicist Kristian Birkeland formulated the first comprehensive theory on the northern lights based on these previous observations. Birkeland developed and underpinned his theory, and his work came to form the basis for modern research on the northern lights. This research still continues today, and it has given us new information about the sun, the Earth's atmosphere and near space. (Norway-Lights.com)

C.S Lewis On Grief

Shine On You Crazy Diamond.........

On Sunday, March 3, 2019 I was listening to jazz music on YouTube, this song randomly started playing. I haven't spent any time listening to Pink Floyd since you've died.  The long edition of the song reminded me so much of you and then I started to listen to the lyrics. I had to look the lyrics up and they described you so well....

Pink Floyd – Shine On You Crazy Diamond Lyrics
from album: Delicate Sound Of Thunder (1988)

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.

Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the cross fire of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger,
You legend, you martyr, and shine!

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions, come on you painter,
You piper, you prisoner, and shine!

Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pile on many more layers and i'll be joining you there.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
And we'll bask in the shadow of yesterday's triumph,
And sail on the steel breeze.
Come on you boy child, you winner and loser,
Come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!
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Some Possible Meanings of "Blown on the steel breeze"
Meaning of Steel Breeze

Songwriters: DAVE GILMOUR, RICHARD WRIGHT
Shine On You Crazy Diamond lyrics © BMG Rights Management