I was looking at Payson's FB Maui photos where he is vacationing with his family and I spotted these old photos of Brendan. I'd only heard about Brendan's broken elbow years ago and his indifference to the pain.

My heart hurts to see him here so alive with just a broken elbow and the memories of his cool tattoos. I've never been a big tattoo fan but Brendan's tattoos were perfect to me.

I was reading a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross last night: "Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death & Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life & Living". She suggested that you request your loved one to visit you in your dreams. So last night I lit a candle on the Chinese Ancestral Altar I set up in Brendan's memory. This time I asked him to visit me in my dreams. When I woke up this morning I was trying to remember if I had any dreams of Brendan, but I couldn't remember any. 

I've been reminiscing about him all day. Of course I think about him every day anyway but more so today. I came across these pics. I keep thinking with time it won't hurt so bad, but I had heart gripping pain when I saw these photos. I was on my break at work and couldn't hold back the tears.

 My thoughts: ....how can we live on this earth and take each other so for granted? We're all miracles and gifts aren't we? Think what you will about death and what happens after death, it doesn't matter to me. I know Brendan lives on. It only gets clearer to me that he continues to exist. He may not have turned up in my dream as I requested, but he turned up here didn't he?

Ghost Pipe (Monotropa uniflora)