Memories of Brendan Thanksgiving 2016 & 2017

Press Release for Brendan's Memorial Sculpture Bench

Letter from the Donor Recipient and My thoughts about Brendan's Bench

Brendan’s family received the first letter from one of the donor recipients this past weekend. A 59 year old woman who wrote to B’s family about the incredible gratitude she feels for getting a second chance at life. She is married, has children and grandchildren so her family is so very grateful. It was a beautiful letter! Yet a searingly painful letter to me. I’ve never felt both gratitude & agony at the same time. While I feel happy for the woman and her family and loved ones, I feel agony for Brendan’s family and friends, and I feel agony for Brendan’s mum who was the one and only hero in his life. I think of all the people whose lives are affected in a joyful way. Not only receiving Brendan’s organ donations but the trickle down effect it has on all the recipient's loved ones too! And everyone in each recipient’s life going forward! We will never truly know the lives that Brendan affected because of the anonymity of the Organ Donation Process.

I know from a distance people naturally think: “how beautiful! At least you can feel good that he lives on in others.” Doesn’t that sound rational? I know it does. However, when you’re up close to the grief and loss it doesn’t feel so good. Corinne wants her ‘baby boy’ back and we all want our dear friend and Love back. But death is a part of life and there it is; as simple as that. It sucks and we wish it weren’t true. And it comes as a shock because our western culture doesn’t like old age and death….But that’s a whole different story.

Corinne and I talked for a long time yesterday. I told her that I am still so devastated and yet I am fully aware that my pain and B’s friend’s pain, can never come close to hers and B’s family. How could it? In terms of the length of time being in Brendan’s life, my devastation doesn’t make sense. Corinne’s response touched my heart, she said “This just shows that it’s not the time but the intensity that made your love so strong.”

You’ve probably all heard the saying, “Grief is just love with no place to go.” That’s what has given me the determination to honor Brendan by jumping the hurdles we had to, in order to get this beautiful skateboard bench, this work of art, this manifestation of love that Payson had for Brendan. This love for Brendan has been contagious. People who have never met Brendan, yet meet us and see our love in action, can’t help but love Brendan for bringing out this love and inspiration. For me the past year, working on getting approval of the bench sculpture, has been confusing, thrilling, agonizingly slow, an amazing creative outlet, disappointing at times, scary as hell a lot of the time. l was indecisive, I ruminated endlessly, woke up quite a few nights with “great” ideas, only to realize, “No Wendy, that is not a great idea.” And in between all these actions I regularly dipped into the pit of grief and then rose up into that feeling of excitement and joy, and then back down into the pit of despair. You get the idea.

I met the best people in my life these past 18 months since Brendan died. Who would have thought a bunch of skaters, and lovers of skateboarders would change my life the way it has? Who would have thought a gathering of Brendan’s south shore childhood friends would teach me so much about life and love?? I watched as Payson McNett worked tirelessly on the bench. Love can be so creative can’t it? The memory of my visit to Payson and being taken to the back of the shop to the “concrete graveyard” where two replicas of Brendan’s bench sat. Payson explained, “These are the two benches I had made. I put them through the endurance test and they both failed but this 3rd one! This 3rd bench has passed the test!” Of course I’m paraphrasing Payson. He may not have said those exact words but that’s what I heard. That’s the dedication of love and friendship that Payson took within himself and placed into a jumble of concrete, aluminum and steel, and transformed into an alchemy of art!!

Just when you think a majority of humanity is pretty disappointing and you’re daily fed the horror and hopelessness of 24 hour “news” through social media; meeting “real” people who love and care as much as you do gives one hope and meaning in today’s troubled and hopeless world.

Please come out and honor Brendan September 7th. Come by and meet Brendan’s folks Al & Corinne Leung. They are the most amazing people I have ever met! Friends that have had the honor to meet and know them all agree.

Come by and meet Payson McNett and see his work of art. He will inspire you, you will have hope for humanity when you meet him. Meet my right-hand man: Kristof Tigyi, (Stem Cell Biologist & Lab Manager Haussler Lab At UCSC.) The co-author of the Proposal which we presented to the Parks and Recreation Commission, then on to the Santa Cruz City Council. And come meet the many others that have helped make this vision a reality.

A National Day of Mourning in the center of your own aching heart

A Part of You Dies and Goes With Him