My early morning dream Dec 1

I wrote this down as soon as I woke up so I didn't forget because I'm always amazed how quickly I forget dreams shortly after waking up.


I write it in a style that sounds as if I'm talking to Brendan......


In the dream I am trying to drive to where you (Brendan) are as fast as I can. I go down the wrong street and I turn around quickly and I start driving again. I see a thin, tall, short haired woman on a horse, she is wearing a green shirt. For some reason I know that she is from Scandinavia. She thinks I'm going to get somewhere ahead of her and she says in an accent, "He's a very important person. When you get there, can you save me a spot?" And I say yes, even though I know I'm not going to any lecture or whatever it was that 'He' the person who is giving the lecture, was supposed to be..... I'm driving as fast as I can again, trying not to get lost....I'm trying to get to you as fast as I can.


You're not in a hospital. I'm driving to a place that you are being cared for. But I get to the building or it was more like a two story house, and I'm meant to give a speech about a really stupid product along with another person. I'm sitting in the audience and I suddenly think...."What am I doing down here? I came to see Brendan." I race up the stairs....on the way to Brendan I'm hearing a recording of him; he's telling me things on the recording that sound like he was obsessed with someone else or distracted by the memories of someone else." (In the dream, it seems like a memory I'm having about something that happened before the accident---when he was alive)


When I get to the room you (Brendan) are on a bed looking at the ceiling....What I notice in an instant is how completely sober you are (no alcohol effect on your personality) how grounded you are emotionally. You are not wearing your glasses. You see me and in an instant you grab my arm and I lean down and we kiss. You're holding on very firmly to my arm and you say, "Wendy, Wendy, you are the love of my life." You are so sincere as if you had been laying there on the bed a long, long time and thinking about it.

Then you move the blanket on you and I can see that you have an IV bag connected to your left calf. You say, "The nurse says I can leave as soon as I'm finished with the left leg." I'm confused so I respond with, "Then why did you die?"You look at me surprised. The most striking thing is that Brendan is so unaltered by alcohol or anything else. I say, "you don't get out of here, you die."


And he pauses for a minute a little surprised but he's not afraid and he's not sad. It's more like, he had forgotten that he dies...He knows how profoundly sad I am; and he looks at me very calmly and very intently, and the last thing he says is, "But I made you a better person didn't I?"

Beautiful Brendan & Mystical Ocean

 One time you made the comment, 

"I don't know what you see in me." 

And I said, 

"I am you inside". 

I Would Rather Have Known You For A Moment, Regardless Of The Sorrow....

I could only be grateful when I realized that I would rather have known you for a moment than never at all. I would rather endure this inexplicable pain of outliving you than to never have seen your face, spoken your name. I would rather be yours and you be mine regardless. Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless nights, and the years I will walk this earth, carrying you in my heart.

(Scribbles & Crumbs)