Loving & Losing Brendan: A Very Public Grief: 2018-10-21

Brendan Autographed the $20 for Gas That He Gave Me

I think after being so used to autographing skateboards, Brendan thought it was necessary to

autograph the gas money he wanted to reimburse me. August 2016

Cat's Paw Nebula: Where Brendan Resides

Cat's Paw Nebula

Halloween Skate Or Should I Say Dia de los Muertos Skate?

Skate illustration from @Dustyalmonds

When You're Homesick For A Person

When you’re homesick for a person, you just want to be with them—location irrelevant—because time stops with every kiss.

When you’re homesick for a person, it’s not about wishing you could return somewhere, not about boarding a flight or a train to travel to them, but somehow fighting space and distance to be somewhere in the same moment, wherever that may be.

When you’re homesick for a person, you’re constantly reminded of them, you’re forever imagining them standing next to you, you’re always picturing what it would be like if they were there

When you’re homesick for a person, there’s a dull, numbing ache at the pit of your heart reminding you that there’s something missing when they’re not around.

When you’re homesick for a person, you cannot make sense of why your life is so full and yet you sometimes feel so empty, why you are always in one place but wishing to be somewhere else, why you feel so lonely even though you’re not alone.

When you’re homesick for a person, you realize that your home wasn’t ever a place, but a connection, but a feeling, but a desire to be intertwined with someone physically and emotionally and spiritually and completely.

When you’re homesick for a person, you cannot find where you fit unless it’s with one another, making a dwelling in one another’s hearts, one another’s souls.

When you’re homesick for a person, you do whatever you can to bring yourselves together, to erase the space and distance and hours that have nestled between you. You learn how to love through the obstacles. You learn to make homes out of one another. By Marisa Donnelly

"For in grief nothing 'stays put'. One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?

But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?

How often -- will it be for always? --how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment?" The same leg is cut off time after time." C.S. Lewis

A John Deere Tractor for you Brendan....From Harley Goat Farm in Pescadero.

Here we are with 1 out of 144 goats!

"Healing Journey" Or "Numb Slog"?

“If I hear the term ‘healing journey’ one more f–king time… It is not a ‘healing journey.’ It’s a ‘numb slog.’ It’s just a, ‘Well, it’s the end of another day — Guess I’ll do that tomorrow.’ It’s just a numb slog, until you start feeling s–t again. If they would call it a ‘numb slog’ instead of a ‘healing journey,’ it would make it a lot f–king easier. Because if they call it a ‘healing journey,’ it’s just a day of you eating Wheat Thins for breakfast in your underwear, you’re like ‘I guess I’m f–king up my healing journey.’ But if they would say you’re going to have a ‘numb slog,’ you could say ‘oh, I’m nailing it.”
― Patton Oswalt~~stand-up comedian & actor