I lost my beautiful sweetheart Brendan, 9 months ago as well. It was horrible when I was speaking on the phone to the nurse calling me about Brendan's accident. Then screaming for his friends to pick me up asap and take me to the hospital because I couldn't drive myself . Then the agonizing animalistic scream I let out when the surgeon came in and said Brendan would not survive.
Two days later another surgeon came in and said he had declared my comatose boyfriend brain dead and therefore pronounced him dead. I tried to hold it together in front of his entire extended family but I couldn't---another howl of excruciating pain. Then my final goodbye before they took his body to harvest his organs for donation. He looked like a beautiful prince on that hospital bed. But the surgeons were waiting outside to harvest his organs.
Leaving Brendan was the most unbearable thing I've ever gone through. Sobbing I told him, "I will never forget you, I will always love you for the rest of my life."
No one teaches us in school what death is, what grief is. I have a Master's Degree but never knew what this kind of pain felt like! Wasn't prepared for it. Never majored in it......YES, I've let out many animal Howls of sheering pain. I have had no control over it. I don't know if it helps because mine seems like a reflex that I can't control.
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