When a person that you love so much, passes on from this earth, and you’re left behind. That’s the situation for me, Brendan’s family and friends.

I know that the normal way to express the loss of someone is to say they have "died". I've been saying it all along. But dying would also mean the complete annihilation of Brendan's soul; Brendan's spirit. And I believe Brendan continues to live, although in a different place other than planet Earth. So I'd rather say, "Brendan has gone on a journey ahead of us. We'll be joining him in the not too distant future."


When you are so very close & intimate with a person that leaves this world, when they have already become apart of you.....what then?

I'm constantly reflecting on the many times I would just gaze at B with so much love and admiration. I would think, “What a miracle this person is.” 

Anyone who has really truly loved someone so deeply knows, that their love interest may not think of themselves as a miracle or anything special, but you see it. You see their essence and you are completely in love with their essence. That’s how I felt about B and still do. I can’t explain it; I’ve actually never been able to really capture the words to describe my love for Brendan. I keep looking for the right words to put in the right order. But I’m not successful. I know I’ve written so very much about my love for him; but it doesn’t seem to be the right set of words. Brendan was so much apart of me; and so many of us. 

I loved him from the day I met him. I know that I am feeling utterly sorry for myself. Sorry for the loss of him in our lives. Sorrowful and empty without him here. He was a part of the puzzle that made me who I am right now. I’m a much better person after having him in my life. All his foibles fall away and I am left with nothing but the adorableness that was Brendan. 

I only find this level of endearment and affectionate love in Hinduism and Radha’s love for the God Krishna. And Krishna’s love for Radha. I will try to find some examples and post them here. For now, I can only find poetry and tributes. So that is why I have posted so many samples of poetry. Pablo Neruda is the very best at putting my intimate feelings into perfect harmony and rhythm with the words and arrangement that he uses.