Brendan suffered from nightmares quite a bit. In the last couple of years he would reluctantly let me recite
a mantra that I was given while living in a Hindu Ashram for 7 years (in my 20's). His response was; in his
usual sardonic tone: "I don't believe in any of that shit." But when the sun rolled up the next morning he
would concede, "Well.....I didn't have any more nightmares after you said that stuff."
Brendan was a self-proclaimed atheist so his family and I knew not to summon any priest or religious clergy
to his bedside (I can hear his voice yelling at me in my head right now, even at the mere mention of this..)
However, at times like these, you realize you might want to keep all your bases covered and say some prayers
or whatever you happen to have up your sleeve. And the Gayatri mantra is exactly what I had up my sleeve in
the moment. Call it instinct, desperation, or for my own personal comfort....call it what you will.
When I first arrived at his hospital bed the night of the accident, I sat down and very softly recited this mantra
over and over until the nurses kicked me out. The last day and the last hour, his family and I were at his
bedside I again recited this mantra silently.
Om Bhur Bhuvah Swaha
Tat Savitur Varenyam
Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi
Dhiyo Yonah Prachodayat
I'm hoping this beautiful, ancient recitation may have eased his path no matter how small.
These are my two favorite translations:
May we commune with and receive the ever-present light of the adorable source, creator of all the worlds
and all the realms. May this one enlightenment direct us all to perceive eternal brilliance and receive the
the inspiration of awakening.
translation: Sparrow Deviyani Brulotte
Let us adore the supremacy of that divine sun, who illuminates all, who recreates all, from whom all proceed,
to whom all must return, whom we invoke to direct our understandings aright in our progress toward the
sacred seat.
translation: Sir William Jones
Here is an absolutely beautiful rendition from YouTube:
The story behind this tapestry:
Three weeks four weeks after Brendan died, I was on the UCSC campus taking a class. As soon as I opened the door to exit the building a saw this tapestry being sold next to a "tent" vendor. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. There was the Gayatri mantra (English Transliteration from Sanskrit) in front of me. In all the many years I had known and recited the mantra (I received the mantra from my guru in 1985) I had never seen it displayed on a tapestry and had never once witnessed anyone selling anything like it in over 20 years at the University. I had worried that Brendan would strongly disapprove; as I said above, he was an avid atheist. However, seeing this just a few short weeks after I passed away, I decided it must be a message from him letting me know that my prayers weren't wasted.
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